Merry Christmas. 
Wow!
DisgustUrgh, this kid.
said he liked me.
and then claimed it was a " need to chill with me "
not a want.
and so i invite him over
to my house.
and after his bitching and whining, i clean the house.
and he comes over.
sort of a boring time. because theres not much to say to him?
and i felt so. so. stupid.
so innocent, and stupid.
and..he leaves.
and then the next day
tells me his phone is going away because he needs to put money on it.
hah, and then, he tells me he has to stop liking me
because. he's a sex addict.
and he doesn't want to hurt me, by liking me, and then fucking other girls at the same time?
i mean, honesty is a good thing.
but i don't even know if thats honesty.
if he didn't want to talk to me anymore because i'm boring, fat, and ugly, he could have just said so.
i really don't get boys.
they just make me want to kill things.
i even disbelieved him the entire time he would say things about me being attractive, or anything like that. because i have low self confidence, and low self esteem. so he'd get all moody about me being that way.
and then i told him i liked him back..?
i said i'm not skinny, i'm not average, i'm pleasantly plump.
" i still like you, that doesn't matter to me "
aparantly it did.
i know it did.
i wish people would tell me the truth about their emotions, instead of masking them to make me feel better.
get over your own guilt. i'd tell them the truth.
and i just..i let down my gaurd with him, i thought he really liked me.
but i'm just ignorant, i should have realized that the kid was destructive, and that he didn't want to be with one girl, a large, opinionated, shy one at that.
i'm not mad because he dumped me like that.
i'm just mad because he lied. and i know he did.
i guess i shouldn't be mad about it. he has things wrong with him, and i should realize that.
but i can't. no excuses for me, no sir.
urgh. relationships just suck, even friendships. just.suck.
